Resentment

Emotional highs and lows have been feeding my mind a constant,steady surge of pain. I am in need of an answer I dont want to know. Its like you get stabbed,you feel excruciating pain,but you don't even know where you got stabbed. I dont know what did i do wrong this time,the last time or every time. i would prefer an enemy who slaps you straight in the face than a "friend" who slaps you in the nuts.

Mr.Know it all,i am in dire need of help,getting dragged down into the watery abyss is scary. Knowing why and how to improve things has always been a remedy for my moodlessness. but then,now it just feels like people i care about are leaving one by one. The problem here is that. they leave but they still radiate that warmth once in a while,enticing you to hold on the very last strands of hope. hanging on. The million dollar question : why are they doing this? i'm starting to go paranoid. i've always believed "do unto others as you would others do unto me". This has always been my sole and only principle up till now.

only god knows what he has in store for you. i'm done trying. let's leave it to fate,shall we? i'm sick of trying to forcefully hold everything together. For me,"friend" is an always underrated syllable. I define it as people you can count on on difficult times,they'd make you feel better,stronger,faster,more motivated,happy and someone who wouldn't hurt you no matter what happens. god forbid. they just cause me more and more pain. time after time. who knows what agenda,what untold reason they have for their actions.

Am i not noticing that universal truth that lies behind? or am i doing it the wrong way? i've tried to be there for people. to show that im a sincere person,an honest person who can be trusted. or have i became that person people approach just for benefits? I must be doing something very wrong. Meanwhile,i'll hold on to this quote.
"Be the change you want to see on the world"
-Mahatma Gandhi.
I inspire in building a peaceful serendipity where everyone cares,loves and cherishes everyone. I don't want to be that savior. I just want to be a better person. not to be like those corporate scums who dont give a damn. period. im done ranting.