说不出的痛

这样的夜里，想起了你。
很多东西想跟你说，即使来个散场的拥抱也好。
让这一个惨局来个美好的完结。
我们做错了什么？我今日还是不了解。
不能解释的东西，就怪机缘吧。
好像做了个很美丽的梦，忽然醒过来。
干。
算了吧，下次会更好。
一直跟自己过意不去苦了自己。
爱过你，我没怨言，也不后悔。
只要尽力了，什么结局都应该坦然面对。
既然拿得起，就该放得下。
未来，我能向我的孙孙子子述说，
你爷爷我的初恋曾经那么的美丽。
无怨无悔。

记得我说过 let bygones be bygones。
该开始往前走了，徘徊在这十字路口太久了,
向那朦胧的过去说拜拜吧.
要往前走，就要一直向本来的方向告别。

最后就希望这残缺的烂爱情不会毁了我们两年多来的友情。

再痛的伤都会好的，我执着地相信。
什么不开心，什么需要帮忙的，尽管找我。
我们依然还是好朋友。 

- 途中 《黄美珍》
会有更好的。

You. you. you. and you.

This post is all about those jerks that you love with all your heart but they keep throwing their dirt at you without remorse and keeps you hanging on their hook.

I am over all of that. and you,get the fuck off my life. This heart has no more space for you. I dont need to know whether i am even worth a penny in your table. But one thing's for sure,you dont care,it shows all over your bloody attitude. I was once a nice guys with nothing against people. I always thought,do unto people like you want other people to do unto you. bitch please. that shit doesnt always work. Sometimes you give people heaven,they show you the stairway to hell. I always believed in karma. about people doing good ultimately getting good returns. But when all of your good deeds gives you nothing at all,you have to "STOP TAKING SHIT" from all of them.

Most of the time. You hang on,telling yourself people will change for the better. SADLY,no it doesnt work that way. When people walk out,they are as good as gone. so yeah,i ain't gonna be that idiot who holds on.

always remember,if someone wants to WALK OUT,make sure that empty space is occupied when he half-heartedly comes back sprawling. we all dont need friends who are ready to walk out of our lives.

today is the day i am completely over you. I've seen your antics enough,now its time to do something bout it.

Resentment

Emotional highs and lows have been feeding my mind a constant,steady surge of pain. I am in need of an answer I dont want to know. Its like you get stabbed,you feel excruciating pain,but you don't even know where you got stabbed. I dont know what did i do wrong this time,the last time or every time. i would prefer an enemy who slaps you straight in the face than a "friend" who slaps you in the nuts.

Mr.Know it all,i am in dire need of help,getting dragged down into the watery abyss is scary. Knowing why and how to improve things has always been a remedy for my moodlessness. but then,now it just feels like people i care about are leaving one by one. The problem here is that. they leave but they still radiate that warmth once in a while,enticing you to hold on the very last strands of hope. hanging on. The million dollar question : why are they doing this? i'm starting to go paranoid. i've always believed "do unto others as you would others do unto me". This has always been my sole and only principle up till now.

only god knows what he has in store for you. i'm done trying. let's leave it to fate,shall we? i'm sick of trying to forcefully hold everything together. For me,"friend" is an always underrated syllable. I define it as people you can count on on difficult times,they'd make you feel better,stronger,faster,more motivated,happy and someone who wouldn't hurt you no matter what happens. god forbid. they just cause me more and more pain. time after time. who knows what agenda,what untold reason they have for their actions.

Am i not noticing that universal truth that lies behind? or am i doing it the wrong way? i've tried to be there for people. to show that im a sincere person,an honest person who can be trusted. or have i became that person people approach just for benefits? I must be doing something very wrong. Meanwhile,i'll hold on to this quote.
"Be the change you want to see on the world"
-Mahatma Gandhi.
I inspire in building a peaceful serendipity where everyone cares,loves and cherishes everyone. I don't want to be that savior. I just want to be a better person. not to be like those corporate scums who dont give a damn. period. im done ranting.

Happy Belated Christmas

Friends.

The online dictionary defines "friends" as

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

So what conclusion can you derive from here? its like all three formula have been given to you in a maths formula. Its just a matter of stating the obvious. why suffer from all the double-edged friendship blade?

Epiphany. If someone isn't any of the three. The solution is simple. "Friends" who bring unhappiness,sadness or even loneliness. Please. Were they even friends to begin with? They belong to the "People i dont need in our lives" box. They don't even deserve to use this very word.

Any relationship,starts two sided. When the sincerity of one side starts to wane,the other side has to give more to balance out the friendship. That law applies on maths equation,chemical ratios and even biological food chains. Simple as that. You give away more and you get so much less in return,you turn miserable. A gazillion questions start popping out in your brain :
"How could they do this to me?"
"What I could've done wrong?"
"I thought we were friends,what happened?"

The answer is simple. They just don't care anymore. If someone cares,they'll show it. If they dont show it after you do. It means either they're in a bad mood or they couldn't care less. It doesn't mean that you're a stuck up,unfriendly bastard. Its just that happiness is too big of a price to pay for all of that.

Being left behind is like getting stuck in a time-locked void. You recall all the sweet,sweet memories you had together,all the times you had. Those moments of serendipity leaves you nothing but vulnerable. Very much like a couples' break up without the romantic,mushy mushy stuff. Period. There's no point in thinking back,grinning like a Cheshire cat just to have reality punch you,shocking you to a revelation that all of that is GONE. i mean GONE. You move on. Then at that very moment you think you've gotten over it,you go back to square one again. No point. When it's GONE,it's REALLY GONE,i mean REALLY REALLY GONE. *FOR EMPHASIS*

Stick it in your head and move on. No point being hard on yourself.
Like the old saying goes. People stab you once,but you stab yourself plenty more times.
Words are powerful. It can be awesome. but from a mouth of a total jackass,it can hurt very badly.
*Chris Medina - What Are Words*

Life.

Well,i haven't been blogging for around a year or so by now. suddenly i had this urge to blog again. and well,it feels awesome,except for my layout.

looking back at the past is like staring at a different you in a mirror. You realize how much you have changed either for the worse or for the better.

This holiday,i've been reminiscing all those bitter memories and heartbreaking events that almost tore me apart.

Looking upon those myriad of trials i've been put through and mighty obstacles that i stood up to,makes me feel stronger,unstoppable and guaranteed that no one will rob me of that self-belief ,to be able to convince myself saying "you know what? you can do this,you can face this like a man,take it like a man and just cruise through it better than anyone else and just nail it" that kind utmost faith in yourself. People can criticize you,demoralize you,etc. you get my drift. but by the end of the day,you'll hit the sheets telling yourself why be so hard on yourself? you haven't done anything wrong. in fact,they're just those mean mean jerks who has nothing else better to do but to find fault with us,so why care about them? why not cherish what we have here right here,right now this instant? instead,we're wasting our precious time on those sad sad jerks who want to make people feel as bad as them.

Moment of contemplation.
*Pause*

Reality may hit us hard in the face like a really really mean bitchslap. buy hey,you know what? you let reality get his way once,get his way twice,it's lost forever. You'll start feeling powerless.
This guy named reality. *maniacal laugh* says that you dont get to have friends,people who love you for who you are and who will still support you through thick and thin,harsh times,happy times,all of it! well,you can tell him to back off,chill out and get a life. truth is,its all about perception. you see what you want yourself to see. If you think EVERYONE uses you as a tool,well,your brain says "oh yeah,im gonna make this dude suffer" and in the end,you become this sulking bastard who dwells on self pity in that abysmal abyss,never to crawl out again.

People come and go like a subway train. some leave,some stay with you till the end of time. You just have to look really hard and make a really really important choice - who to keep. The fact is,people walk out of your life like a subway transit every day. Cause' you cant keep people who wants to flap their wings in your face and fly away. There's always moments in life when you think he/she is the perfect person in your life and something unfathomable happens to all that,they're gone from your life faster than a stealth plane. making headlines and then off into the cloak of shadows,never to see them again. This makes us vulnerable,prone to getting hurt. And all this is gonna hurt all over again like a broadway show. People who are in your life now are there for a reason. be it the past,be it the present or even the future.

its every man for himself. behind all these masks and charisma only lies a handful of friends you can proudly proclaim as your besties. Some people do find them,some people do not. but you know which two people you can fall back on? your parents. they'll always be there,they never falter. they always give us their best,harsh or not,thats the way they love. they dont love our looks,our money,they love us for who we are. Its all you can wish for,all they've done for you,was always for the best. I'd hate to admit it. but most of the time they nag you about something,it's always the best thing to do at that point.

Just that i'm tired of living the ifs and what ifs in life. live in the now,never in the past,never in the future. just gonna live this life one second,one mintute,one hour at a time. let bygones be bygones,whats done cannot be reversed. what's there to do is rectifying the problem. cause' all that matter in hand is already so hard to handle,and yet we still engage in acts that beat ourselves up. what for?

Live like we're dying. *cheers Kris Allen*

Sandcastling madness

Naughty Boy showing off his jewel on da bus.
Was it sandcastling or building pyramids?

3TA2(My class) group photo

Our Masterpiece after 3 hours.

CEO of our team. He calls the shots.

Other teams at work

Fuyoh! My first perfect sandcastle.

Foundation.

Moulding of castles.

Walls

The kind person who lent me his phone as a camera. = )

dudes with hardcore spades digging up sand for the foundation.

I dont remember this action. -.-

Our team's inspiration.

Its been a long time since i updated my blog. I've gotta admit i've lost some interest in blogging. Anyway,this time will be about sandcastling. When you think bout sandcastling. You'll think its easy. Take a pail,fill it with sand then make a castle. Easier said than done. But there's more to it. There're i think 3 stages. First is the foundation then secondly the castles and thirdly the touch up job. The foundation stage involves plenty of people with hardcore spades digging away and a pile of sand thats strong enough to withstand a person's weight. Then the part where skill makes the difference. The sole and only objective = Let your castle stand. Third part,use your beauty sense. Well,thats all to it.

FF7 Crisis Core Ending.

Zack Fighting his dear Shinra.

Oh so sweet parts with aerith.

Screw it. Dang,Boom,Pow,he's dead.

Emo cloud grieving over his dead body

That silly nutcracker,Sephiroth making quick work of aerith.

They look cool.

Badass dragon waiting to be kicked in the face.

Cool animated damage and skills.

I found the console game (FF7 : Crisis Core) on the PSP. Man,its graphics and twists ROCK. But i'm absolutely gonna screw Squarenix for the storyline. What a heartbreak. It potrays a Shinra 1st class soldier ZACK and this bunch of cool superheroes aka sephiroth and inc. And angeal as his companion. In some investigation,he had to kill angeal. Sephiroth becomes mad over something called jenova or something. Then he met aerith after falling over during the fight with sephiroth the 1st time. Some romance ensues. Zack and Cloud were infused with jenova cells. In the end,those stupid shinra troops had to gun Zack down as a tragic ending. Kinda sad and having blues over his death. EMO Me. FF7 Advent children is the movie sequel to the game. Advent Children with cloud wielding the buster sword is cool.!